How to get your child to behave in the supermarket (a Helium article)

I have a large family, so when I shop for groceries, we’re talking about over an hour in the store, an overflowing cart, and a minimum of two kids with me. Other than having better things to do, I can‘t say I dread it. There are no temper tantrums or melt downs. There is no demanding of what they want or stomping of feet. I also don’t bribe or yell. My secret? Duct tape. Just kidding.


Children are very intuitive little creatures and can smell weakness like a coyote smells a rabbit. They also have more energy than we do and are prepared for long battles, if it means the end result will be their way. Too many moms let this get to them. They try to fight a good fight, but tend to end up exhausted and surrendering to the whims of person that’s 2 feet and 100 pounds smaller than they are. This is like a dog walking the owner or an lion training the tamer. 


First of all, remember who is the boss. (That’s you, not them, by the way). Let them know that you have to go shopping and you expect them to behave. If they’re not used to behaving, lay out some rules. Think about this beforehand because if you pause, stutter, hesitate, or seem unsure, they’ll immediately register weakness and play it against you. Some examples of rules; There is NO running. NO leaving the cart. NO yelling. DON’T ask for anything. And DON’T hide under the shelves. Look them in the eye when you lay this out for them. If you don’t think they’re paying attention, have them repeat the rules back to you. Helps them to register it sometimes (if it doesn’t have something to do with candy or a game controller, they may discard it as irrelevant information).  


Set consequences for any broken rules. Again, think about this ahead of time. A significant mistake often made in parenting is not being consistent, or not following through on threats. Some popular “worn out Mom phrases” I often hear are, “Do you want a time out/spank?”. Really, what does this accomplish? Is the child going to say, “Yes, as a matter of fact, that’s exactly what I was going for”? No silly, this is a futile effort on your part to hope that the child cares enough about you being frustrated that he’ll have empathy and quit misbehaving. Key word; futile. They don’t care. Remember, it’s the end result they’re after.


Another “worn out Mom phrase" is, ”I won’t buy you anything if you don’t stop”. Say what? First of all, we all know, including the child, that you’re going to buy something anyway. So this is a waste of breath. Besides, shouldn’t your children be behaving because they’re taught to, not because you’re bribing them to? What’s going to happen when the bribe you are offering isn’t good enough? Yikes, it will get worse. 


Now some good consequences for unacceptable behavior that I have used are; a pinch under the arm as a warning that they are getting out of hand and that I notice. (Settle down, I’m not talking bruises). It’s a silent reminder. No yelling necessary. Let them know ahead of time that you will do this so they know it’s a signal (that they better quit!). After that, if the poor behavior continues, it’s a good time for an embarrassing whack on the backside. The humiliation, not the whack, humbles them and sends them a clear message that you’re paying attention and that you’re serious. Last resort, turn around and bring them out of the store. Take them to the car and choke them. JUST. KIDDING. But do follow through with a serious punishment. Something that will make them regret their behavior and think twice about trying to pull it again. Such as; no video games until they can prove they can behave during the next shopping trip. Or no dessert, early bedtime, extra chores, digging holes… until next shopping trip. This keeps them on the hook, and your expectations fresh on their mind for next time. And next time should be more pleasant. 


If not, there’s always duct tape.