Helium Article Archive: Overmedicated

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Testimonies: Overmedicated: The dreaded reality of mental disorder

by Kelly Mastanduno

While mental illness is a very serious issue, the medical community treats it like more of a game, a money making one. I cannot speak for every doctor and every employee of every pharmaceutical company, but as a whole, patients who depend on modern medicine to help them achieve healthier and more productive lives, or even just to be able to live, are being severely taking advantage of in their quest for help from medical professionals.


Since medicine is such a popular trend in this country, it is as easy to stock a medicine cabinet full of dangerous pills, as it is to turn on the kitchen sink and get some tap water. This is the scariest and most dangerous in the mental health community. Drugs aimed to treat mental illnesses are a game of hit and miss, mixing chemicals and the human brain. It is like Russian roulette. Even though scientists developed these medications, the scientists themselves cannot predict the outcomes or consequences, nor can they control the side effects of experimenting with the human mind. Almost every drug prescribed for mental health patients has a very long list of very serious side effects. Many of these drugs also bring with them the potential of actually making the condition worse and ending a mild case of depression in suicide. Are these chances worth taking? Sometimes, but it is essential that the patient not be ignorant and place their minds haphazardly into the hands of a doctor with no questions asked. It is crucial to do the research on medications.


The first thing to look out for is in-patient and community based (sliding scale or free clinics) treatment centers. These centers have the primary concern of keeping the community of patients (they call them "consumers") quiet and complacent. Upon being admitted to an in-patient clinic, the first thing they do is medicate the patient. Anti-psychotics, strong medications labeled to treat such dangerous conditions as schizophrenia and dementia, are automatically given to every inpatient, regardless of their cause of admittance, and usually at dosages never meant to be given! Most meds are meant to be started at low levels such as 25 mg's, but treatment centers are commonly known to start patients at doses in the hundreds! These are insane, dangerous and inhumane practices! Moreover, the patient, usually being sick and not always in the state of mind to make good decisions, never knows better. Then there are consequences of severe side effects, addictions, withdrawals and the need for more medications!


All the commonly prescribed medications, such as anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, sedatives and sleeping pills, are highly addicting. All carry with them serious withdrawals. All of them carry with them side effects that many patients say are not worth going through. Many opt for living with depression, anxiety and debilitating mood swings rather than suffer from common side effects such as tremors, uncontrollable twitching, extreme restlessness, inability to focus, significant weight gain (known to lead to the onset or worsening of diabetes), insomnia and even increased agitation and a rise in harmful and suicidal thinking. So what is the lesser of two evils? Living sick naturally or living sick medicinally?


The answer lies somewhere in the middle. Taken the right way, in the right amounts, and for the right reasons, medications for mental illness can change a life. Never start at high doses. Always make sure you or someone you trust is always aware of what you are being given BEFORE you take it. Research the medication being suggested from several sources, not just the website put out by the company making the particular medication. Ask around or search the internet for other people's experiences with the drug. Do not let a doctor prescribe you too many medications at once. In addition, make sure the drug is labeled for use for your own personal illness or disorder. "Off label" use is a dangerous, but common practice to wary of.


It is unfortunate that people looking for help cannot just trustingly succumb to "doctor's orders". Overmedication is the last issue someone needing mental help should have to worry about, but it is a reality. Do not let it become something that takes over your life, be involved in your treatment plan and be educated about your condition and the medications surrounding it.

Helium Article Contest: New Years Resolutions, for Couples

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New Year's resolutions for couples

by Kelly Mastanduno

Life with your significant other affects every other area of your life, why not make it the best? New Years is a perfect time to choose to do all those little things you sometimes think of, but don’t always act on. There’s no downside to resolving to make your relationship better! If there are issues you and your spouse are facing, then perhaps making some New Years resolutions together can save your marriage. No relationship is ever perfect, but since we chose to be with this person, I say we owe it to them, and to ourselves, to do the very best we can to maintain the good, and improve the… well, you get it.


New Years Resolution for Couples


#1. Spend more time together! Yes, groan, sigh, slump. I know we’re all busy, but if you calculate how much time you spend (fill in the blank here; at work, in front of the computer, shopping, etc.) as compared to the time spent with your main squeeze, odds are the comparison turns out pretty pathetic (and not in the main squeezes favor). With all that most of us have to do each day, things get prioritized, and unfortunately our relationships often get pushed to the bottom of the list. Bump it back up to the top! Consider it an investment in your life. You may find that many things fall into place.


Consider: Making a date night. Once a week or once a month. JUST THE TWO OF YOU. Shed any other capes you wear (“Mom”, “Dad”, “Boss”, “Employee”, “Tax Payer”…) and just be the two of you! I’d avoid movies or other scenarios where you can’t connect, or talk. I recommend dinner and a walk. I’d also suggest giving yourselves at least two hours.


#2. Do the little things. This person you have decided to share your life with knows what you look like in the shower, without make-up, and deep in sleep… it’s not too silly to leave them a love note! They may have seen you in labor, cry like a baby, or puke after too many shots of Tequila… it shouldn’t be awkward to reach out and hold their hand! These little things often speak the loudest.


Consider: Sending flowers through a service (much more of a surprise than seeing you walk up with them). Leaving a good Hallmark in their sock drawer to be found. Sending a random “I love you” text mid-day. Hold their hand, rub their back, or some other physical signs of affection whenever you are near them.


And #3. LET GO OF THE SMALL STUFF! It’s so easy to hold onto the hurts and disappointments in life and allow them to ruin our joys without us even realizing we’re allowing it! There is no soul in this world who is exactly like you (we learned this in Sunday school folks), so you can’t expect your better half to think, act, talk, wonder, eat, sleep, clean, cook, or any other activity, just like you. There was something about this person that made you love them. Focus on that! Don’t try to change them, learn to enjoy them for who they are. Their shortcomings may be your strengths and vice versa. Work with that, don’t fight it!


Consider: Quit nagging (don’t deny it, we all do it). If they don’t take out the garbage, you take out the garbage (aw, it won’t kill ya!). If they eat like a slob, offer them a bib. If they’re cranky in the morning (or if YOU are cranky in the morning), politely avoid them, don’t go looking for a fight. Don’t allow yourself to expect what cannot be delivered for this will just bring disappointment and misery. You know how it goes, “Help me to change the things I can change, and ACCEPT the things I cannot”, right? You got it!

Helium Article: How do you know how to recognize if it is true love

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How do you know how to recognize if it is true love

by Kelly Mastanduno

What an excellent and relevant question. We as human beings naturally desire the acceptance, approval and attention of the opposite sex. We are wired to desire intimacy and closeness. Most of us start thinking about marriage as children, dreaming of some handsome, dreamy man who spoils us rotten, or a beautiful, sweet woman who cooks and cleans and raises the children. For the majority, it's automatically assumed that at some point in early adulthood we will fall in love, marry, and live happily ever after. But for some reason many people are very quick to settle for much less then true love just to avoid loneliness or rejection. Sadly this mistake is made in epidemic proportions in the teen population, although mature adults aren't immune to making this mistake either.
True love is selfless. It gives instead of takes. It wants the best for the other person with no hidden agenda of profit to be made. It is genuine and consistent. There are no signifigant ups and downs, no frequent changes of mind or inconsistencies in thoughts, feelings or actions. It is uplifting and encouraging. It speaks the best, whether with words or actions, even in the worst of situations. It is strong, no room for second thoughts or indecisions. It is patient, not knowing such things as ultimatums or pressure. It is wholly unconditional, not influenced by appearances, opinions of others, weaknesses or faults. It is timeless, never fading, only growing stronger and stronger. It is kind. True love does not inflict pain, physical or emotional. It is quick to apologize with true remorse in the event hurt has been experienced. And true love is a constant, positive learning experience. As human beings it is inevitable to sometimes make mistakes. But true love learns from mistakes and is careful not to repeat them. It is mindful, it is careful, it is aware of the delicacy of the heart. It does not want to hurt.
True love is all these things and more. It is more than could ever be expressed with words. If nothing else remember this, true love does not make excuses. If you find yourself talking yourself into a relationship, making excuses for the person you are with, being selfish, hurt, disappointed, lonely or beat down, it is not true love. If you are exhausted instead of exhilarated, you may want to re-evaluate what's going on. While there is always the possibility that there is room for improvement (since none of us are born perfect), if time goes on and things don't get better, I would encourage you to move on. True love is remarkable. It is wonderful. Anything less is not worth wasting precious life on. Hold out for what your heart truly longs for. It is possible, it is real, and it is worth it.
I've learned a neat little trick. It's called "No". Simple, yet effective. Here's how it's done:

"Mom, can I have (candy, gum, this toy, a cell phone, all your money, this game where everybody kills everybody else, etc)?"

"No"

"But..."

"No"

"How..."

"No"

No stress, no arguing, no room for options. Often the "No" may need to be followed up with a "Walk Away", which goes like this:

"Ooh, look what I found!"

"No"

"What if..."

"No" >>> followed by Walk Away.

"Mom? Where are you going?"

Continue the Walk Away.

<Child (or hubby) sighs and runs to catch up>

That's it! Also very effective when someone assumes you must have less to do than they do, such as:

Ring (telephone)

"Hello?"

"Hi Kel! How's it going?"

"Good, how are you?"

Audible sigh, "Ah, I'm a little stressed and not feeling too well. I was wondering if you could watch the kids for me for a little bit?"

"No"

<silence>

"Well, ok then, guess I'll talk to you later then..."

"Ok, have a good one, hope you feel better!" (>>> telephone version of the Walk Away)

Another example:

"Hey man, you got $20 I can borrow?"

"No. See ya later!"

Simple.

All humor aside though, it is very important to remember that in doing a favor that requires more energy, time, and/or money to be sucked out of your oasis, you may be taking on more than you can sanely or financially handle. If it doesn't sound like a good idea to you, it's probably not a good idea. Of course there are times a loved one really does need something that you are more than willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to help with. Hey, that's great. But those times aside, don't be afraid to tell your co-workers, your in-laws, your neighbors, and your children "No". Most Moms have a zillion things running through our heads at any given time, 95% of it (or more) dedicated to OTHERS. This isn't a bad thing, it's what we were made for, it's what we can handle (b/c if we don't handle it, who will... the men? HAHAHAHA). So in the name of self preservation it really is ok to say "No" when we need to. Really.

Now, in using the "No" approach it is essential to remember that "No" leaves no room for negotiation. If you hand out a "No", but then allow yourself to get sucked into an argument about it, or worse, give in and switch to a "Yes" (gasp!), you are ruining it for the rest of us. Be firm. Try it in front of a mirror, "No". Be prepared!


Now, I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully. Do NOT feel guilty! No way ma'am. You work too hard, take on too much, and handle enough. Moms are suckers for guilt, so you may be tempted to wear it, but fight it. Or at least pretend you don't feel guilty about it until you get the hang of it :P.

Ok, if you use the "No" and your child (or co worker, neighbor, or husband) throws himself on the floor in a tantrum, DO NOT PANIC. This is a cureable side effect of too many "Yes's". Often the shock of "No" for the first few times is more than they can handle. It is essential to use the Walk Away in this situation. Nobody wants to be left behind, they'll catch up :P.

Once your "No" has been put into practice you should find amazing things happen. Your stress levels lower, your confidence rises, and you experience what all Moms everywhere strive for; control. You may feel nervous the first few times, but act like you mean it anyway. Don't get upset or frustrated if the one receiving the "No" at first tries to change your mind. This is normal in the beginning. Moms spend so much time trying to please everyone else that when you say "No", the recipient of the rejection may at first think he or she heard you wrong. It's ok, play it cool. You may have to say it again, "No". This is a good time to use the Walk Away, so you don't back down or show weakness. Children especially have a weakness detecting gland and innate abilities to crack you open and leave your guts hanging if you're not well prepared. Stay strong!

Good luck! And enjoy all the stress free, nag free, guilt free extra time you will be awarding yourself! :)
The New Year is here and many of us are making resolutions. Of course you've got the typical, "I want to lose weight", "I'm going to stop smoking", "I'll spend more time with (fill in the blank)", but I've got a challenge for you. Stop complaining. Yeah, I'm not going to tip toe around it, lol. Being the mom of eight, and wife of one, I hear a lot of complaining. A lot. In order to keep myself from needing an escort to the asylum, my defense is NOT to complain. Of course, influencing this decision not to complain is that I have noone to complain to, being elected head of the "complaint department" (a position I swear I don't remember running for), I am the end of the line. As soon as a complaint forms in my head, it has nowhere to go except to bounce around in there, and I don't have enough room for all that nonsense. :P

Being Mom means having to suck it up, whether I want to or not. Cursing out the guy who just cut me off isn't always appropriate with a van full of kids, you know what I mean? It sends confusing messages to my kids when I teach them to be nice to others and then I get pissy with the chick in front of me in line who doesn't have her deposit slip ready. So, with my kids so generously acting as mirrors to myself (sometimes I feel like I'm in a fun house at a carnival...), I started making a more conscious decision to actually BE what I wanted them to be. Did I really expect them to be nice, helpful, encouraging, supportive, resourceful, productive, positive people? Well, yes, yes I did. Epiphany! Then I must be so also. Oh my.

"Mom, why is that person taking so long?"

"Well, it looks like she can't find the right credit card to use hun"

"How much longer is it going to take?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe just another few minutes"

(insert whine)

"Have patience son, we'll be done in a few minutes"

Have patience. I told my child to have patience, so shouldn't I as well? Standing there tapping my feet or mumbling under my breath is not a good show of patience. Besides, it only builds more impatience and aggravation, not to mention possibly unfair stress on the person we're waiting on (come on, we've all been the one fumbling at the register at one time or another, it's no picnic).

We all know of (or maybe you are) someone who seems to never have anything nice to say. "That person is taking up two parking spots! The nerve! Who told them they owned the parking lot?!". "Well excuuuse me! Do they think they're the only ones trying to get somewhere today?!". "It's raining again, what a crappy day". In these instances, you are part of the problem. Ouch, but yeah, it's true. If you have nothing nice to say, and all that jazz, you know? So think about this: One; haven't YOU ever been there? Haven't you ever been the one cutting off traffic b/c you're 2 year old fell and cracked his head? Haven't you ever had a credit card flunk on you at the register? Is it possible you have ever bumped into somebody and wasn't aware of it b/c your mind was on the grocery list and not forgetting the diapers this time? And wouldn't you be complaining if there was no rain at all for the grass and garden (and lazy days)? Two; I think we can all agree that what this world needs is more constructive solutions. Not more fuel on already burning fires, right? So if you are aware of a problem, do everyone a favor and either offer a solution, or just walk away (and no, telling someone to go flip themselves is NOT a constructive resolution).

Think about this too, much of what people complain about are things they can, but choose not to, do anything about. If your husband doesn't take out the garbage, take it out yourself. If your kids are acting up, put them in line. If the cat pooped on your coat, clean the litter box. Complaining only makes you cranky and unproductive. On the flip side, too much complaining goes on about things you just cannot do anything about. Accept it. Simple. Move on.

So here's the challenge, try to get through the next week without complaining. Be optimistic. Put the shoe on the other foot. Let it go. Look on the bright side. And see if you can offer solutions or do something about the problem at hand yourself. I have found, truly, that this makes me not only a good role model for my children, but I can touch the lives of others in a positive way by simply offering a little patience, a smile, or a helping hand. At the least, I can just let it go and eliminate a whole lot of undue stress to my already busy life. :)